Thursday, November 15, 2007

Alone or not Alone- that is the question

So yesterday, I dropped my son off at daycare and went to work. Nothing out of the ordinary, I admit. But then I got out of work, picked up my daughter from school, dropped her friend off at her house, picked up another friend that was coming over and dropped them off at my house. Then I went to the grocery store and picked up stuff for dinner.

I called Brian and found out he was going to pick up Austin from daycare. Great, a little time to myself! And I was going to see the Uconn women basketball game tonight too. I went home and the girls were out taking a walk in the neighborhood. So I started dinner and watched a little Oprah’s show on Love Stories. Side note… boy do Brian and I look like love losers compared to these people, a love note every day for 28 years. But I digress… let’s see, where was I? Oh yeah, a little time to myself…so everything was ready to be cooked but no one was home yet so I waited to start the actual heating part.

The girls got back and were playing Life in Haley’s room. Brian called and said he was still closing his shop. I was leaving for the game at 5:30 so he wasn’t going to be home before I left.

So I was a little happy I wasn’t going to have to do all the cooking, bath time and putting to bed chores that I sometimes don’t feel like doing. Don’t get me wrong, I do like some of it and wouldn’t change things if I could but truth be told cleaning dishes after dinner is not all that exciting to me. Call me wild, but dishes…not my idea of a fun time.

So I go to the game, which by the way was a total blow out but I still loved it, and have fun with my sister cheering on the girls to victory.

I get home, the lights are out, everyone is asleep and it dawns on me…I hate this. I didn’t get to give anyone hugs or kisses goodnight except on the cheek because they were already asleep. Yes, I had a good time but I missed MY family. The hustle and bustle of getting ready for the next day, brushing teeth, “I’m hungry”, “I need a drink” stall tactics, all of it. I missed it. Then I think “I am losing my mind”. How often do you get a peaceful night like this? Then it becomes clear as mud, I have no idea what I want. Or maybe I just want it all.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I don't think its that you don't know what you want or "want it all." Life is all about balance. What if you had a 50/50 or o.k. a 40-60 (we are the moms :)

And as far as missing the good night kisses and hugs--there's nothing wrong with "missing" these things. It did cause you to remember how much you love your children didn't it? And isn't good to appreciate what you have? And aren't you going to be just a smidge more able to put up with your son's 5th request for a drink than you were the day before??? Miss away Lil Mis- You sound pretty busy and like you could use some more regular breaks.